thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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