so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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