did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize