He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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