i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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