Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize