Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
