she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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