If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
