god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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