Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
