i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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