but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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