all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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