whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
