Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
