Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize