well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
