are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
