Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
