my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Enjoy the penises
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize