yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
