cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
