Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
this hospital has no fireball
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
