I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
