Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
