im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
