Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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