he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
