I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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