Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
