I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
