:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just threw up on my dentist
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We need a shit load of segways right now
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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