I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
