Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
