Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
