I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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