hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
