I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
