Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
