The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize