You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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