Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he thought i was a dude.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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