I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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