I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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