your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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