Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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