Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
