Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
