I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
