If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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