We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
