Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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