I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
