i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
this will be a night to untag.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
