Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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