i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
