Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
