Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
