Pants 0. Shit 1.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
