I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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