im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
