The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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