also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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