She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize