Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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