you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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