There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Farmville is her only friend.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
