Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
