Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
