i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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