I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
