we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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