Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
