so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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