We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
